Don't be THAT hockey parent

(The one that ruins the game for everyone else)

Youth hockey is supposed to be fun – your player isn’t getting drafted to the NHL tomorrow.

With that in mind, here are a few guidelines for you.

(Note: I’ve left “Don’t start a fistfight with other parents, coaches, or referees” off the list, because even though I’ve known these things to happen, I think we’ve evolved since the Walter Matthau Bad News Bears era.)

Don’t be a shitter to the other team’s players, their coach, the referees, or your own player. Your player is watching you and will follow your example, and I am sure you don’t want your kid to be a little shit.

The end.

No, not really the end.

Clearly, some of you need this spelled out.

Specifically…

1. Do not yell at the players, coaches, or referees from the stands. Do not swear at them. Especially do not stand up and wave your arms around or bang on the Plexiglas when yelling or swearing at them.
   
2.  Do not celebrate in such a way as to humiliate the other team. For example, do not ring a cowbell if your team is up by more than 5 points or your team scores an empty-net goal. Do not stand up and do strip-club-stage version of a happy dance.
   
3. Remember that you are not the coach. If you were the coach, you’d be on the bench with the team and not in the stands. Do not coach your player or any other player from the stands. Do not bang on the Plexiglas to get their attention before you yell instructions to them. Don’t undermine the coach by trying to coach your kids at all, especially on the ride home, in the car. (If you want to reinforce what the coach is asking the players to do, be sure to find an appropriate time to do so.)
   
4. Speaking of the ride home, this is not the time to begin a play-by-play critique of the game. Do not bring up the game as soon as you get in the car, other than saying, “Good game” or similar. Let your player bring it up if they want to talk about it.
   
5. Show interest in the game and the team, but remember it is not your game or your team. You are not playing the game. Your player’s youth sports experience is not your do-over. Do not try to relive your youth through your player.
   
6. Do not be reading a newspaper or book, working on your laptop, or playing with your phone during the game. Do not get up and walk out in disgust if your team is losing (unless the referee has told you to get up and get out, because you are being a horrible person, i.e., “demonstrating unsportsmanlike conduct”). Manage your resting bitch face so that if your player happens to glance up to the stands you don’t look like a…bitch.

And finally, not related to games: drop older kids off at practice and go away. They don’t want you to watch. They also do not want you anywhere near the locker room.

Team sports can be an awesome opportunity for kids to learn about teamwork, goals, discipline, and perspective…so many things..but not if you are the shitter parent who ruins it for them, their coaches, and the referees. Don't be that parent.