Where is Joseph?

One holiday season, 15 or more years ago, times were hard and I was a client of our local food pantry. I made the comment to my friend who worked at the pantry that I wish we had a nativity set.

The next time I went "shopping" there, wouldn't you know, somebody had donated a nativity set! It may have been part of the toy donations (since at Christmastime, the pantry also made it possible for me to give my children gifts), I don't remember.

I thought it was interesting that the set had four wise men, instead of three. I learned that some people believe that they're actually were four wise men and I thought that was a neat coincidence.

We've had the same nativity set ever since then and have never even lost the baby Jesus, even though he is as tiny as a nickel.

This year when I got the nativity set out and set it up, I realized that there is no Joseph. I don't know if there ever was a Joseph or if maybe the fourth wise man was mistakenly included in Joseph's place.

In my nativity set, Mary is a single mom, just like I was, and in many ways still am. (Although I am remarried, I am, for the most part, responsible for my children, including the two in college.)

I wish I had noticed that Mary was a single mom way back when... Although I know a lot of single moms now, I did not know a lot of single moms at the time when I was single with three children ages 5 and under. Maybe it would have been a nice reminder that I am not such a weirdo, because it did feel somewhat shameful at the time.

Sometimes I look back and think about how amazing it is that my boys turned out the way they did given the circumstances that we were up against. Maybe it's because the extra "wise men" I always tried to include in their lives -- coaches or teachers -- had helped to formulate their idea of how to be.

I wonder if any of my friends who make a big show out of collecting food for the food pantry realize that it is people like me, who are really not that much different than they are, that were or are clients of that food pantry?

I used to feel humiliated, standing in the checkout line with my vouchers. Now I feel humbled. There is, however, a fine line between the two with which I sometimes struggle.