I got the call very early this morning. School was cancelled because of flooding. My youngest's preschool is never closed so I had to get him up, but when my other two stirred as I passed their rooms, I went in to whisper to them, "You don't have to get up, there's no school today."
Of course, my middle son shot up in bed like a bolt of lightning. "No school!? Yessssss!" I probably shouldn't have said anything. If he thought there was school, he wouldn't have got out of bed!
My oldest said, "Thank you, Lord! Now I can sleep!" I covered him back up and closed the shade on the window next to his bed.
Yeah, right, I thought to myself. True, it wasn't the "buttcrack of dawn" (as it has been called in our home, "snicker-snort-heh-heh-heh"), but I knew they'd be up early anyway.
I shuffled downstairs with my youngest after helping him dress. I packed his lunch, made a coffee, and ventured into the basement to see the state of affairs (not bad, thank God the sump pump works fine when it's plugged in, even though it smells kind of dusty, likely from lack of use -- we haven't had this much rain in I can't remember how long). After I'd sent my youngest off to school with his dad, I checked in with work. Hmmm, not a lot of action overnight. Then I remembered that it's a holiday in India today, so it's no wonder I didn't hear from many of my colleagues.
Thankfully, I only had four meetings on my calendar, and my the Bigs have learned to be relatively respectful of my job...and of course, there's always the mute button!
Because of the irony of everyone getting up early when they don't have to, I wanted to share one of my favorite columns today. This is one that will be included in my upcoming book, Snakes, Snails and Puppy Dog Tales, due out this spring.
Schtick and Tired: Comic Themes Related to Sleeping – Or Not
In the morning, on a school day
“Rise and shine boys, it’s already 6:30!”
“Is it a school day?”
“Yes! Time to get up, get going, get your spirit showing!” (I was a cheerleader at one time in my life).
“If it’s a school day, I’m still tired!”
In the morning, on a weekend
“Mommy.” Poke, poke, nudge. “It’s time to get up!”
“No, it isn’t honey,” I whisper. “We’re all still sleeping.”
Urgently: “Mommy! It’s five-four-four.”
“That’s okay, honey. It’s Sunday. We don’t have to go anywhere until church.”
Silence. Then, “But I want to get up.”
“Shhhh.”
“Mom-mee-ee-ee!” he nudges me again.
“Get up then. Go ahead, honey.”
“But I want you to come with me!”
In the afternoon, any day
From the second-floor bedroom: “Mah-ahm…”
“Oh, dear God. Why isn’t that kid asleep?” I dread the idea that he won’t nap, because that means he’ll be really cranky in the evening. Or else, he’ll have a late nap, be cranky when I wake him up for dinner, be up too late (making me cranky), and thus be cranky the next morning.
“Mommy?” he calls again tentatively.
I consider ignoring him, praying that he’ll give up, roll over, and snooze.
“Mommy!”
“Mama!”
I consider too long.
“MOMMEEEEE!”
“MA! MAAAAAAH!!!”
He’s increasingly impatient that I have not yet arrived.
“What is it, honey? You can’t be yelling like that! What is it!?” I ask, somewhere between a whisper and a hiss, so as not to wake the sleeping brother in the next bed.
“I’m hungry. No, I’m thirsty. No, I’m…”
Right. He’s probably just tired.
At night, on a weekend
“Can we stay up as late as we want?”
“Sure, boys! Why don’t you see if you can stay up until midnight?”
“Awright! Thanks, Mom!”
Both are asleep before 8:30.
At night, on a weeknight
“Boys, time for bed.”
“Awwww. Ten more minutes?”
“No, it’ll be ten minutes by the time you’re ready for bed.”
“But we’re not tired.”
“You still need to go potty and brush. So, let’s go.”
“We don’t wanna!”
“Yeah, we’re NOT going.”
“Boys, if you don’t go willingly, there will be a consequence. You know the deal. It’s the same every night. Get up off the couch. Go in the bathroom. One of you go potty while the other brushes. Then switch.”
“We can’t.”
“Why not?”
“We’re too tired!”
Later, on a weeknight
Mommeeeeeeee! Calling from upstairs.
“What? what is it!?” Me running up quickly, thinking there’s something dire going on / not wanting the baby to wake up.
“Can you turn the light on more?”
“Mommeeeeeeee!” Repeat the drill three more times.
Insert: “I’m thirsty.” “Can you cover me up?” “What are you doing down there?”
“That’s it. You.Must.Go.To.Sleep.Now.Tomorrow.Is.A.School.Day. If I have to come up here again…”
The next morning, my son asks, “Is it a school day?”
“Yes! Time to get up, get going…”
“If it’s a school day, I’m still tired!”
In the morning, on a school day
“Rise and shine boys, it’s already 6:30!”
“Is it a school day?”
“Yes! Time to get up, get going, get your spirit showing!” (I was a cheerleader at one time in my life).
“If it’s a school day, I’m still tired!”
In the morning, on a weekend
“Mommy.” Poke, poke, nudge. “It’s time to get up!”
“No, it isn’t honey,” I whisper. “We’re all still sleeping.”
Urgently: “Mommy! It’s five-four-four.”
“That’s okay, honey. It’s Sunday. We don’t have to go anywhere until church.”
Silence. Then, “But I want to get up.”
“Shhhh.”
“Mom-mee-ee-ee!” he nudges me again.
“Get up then. Go ahead, honey.”
“But I want you to come with me!”
In the afternoon, any day
From the second-floor bedroom: “Mah-ahm…”
“Oh, dear God. Why isn’t that kid asleep?” I dread the idea that he won’t nap, because that means he’ll be really cranky in the evening. Or else, he’ll have a late nap, be cranky when I wake him up for dinner, be up too late (making me cranky), and thus be cranky the next morning.
“Mommy?” he calls again tentatively.
I consider ignoring him, praying that he’ll give up, roll over, and snooze.
“Mommy!”
“Mama!”
I consider too long.
“MOMMEEEEE!”
“MA! MAAAAAAH!!!”
He’s increasingly impatient that I have not yet arrived.
“What is it, honey? You can’t be yelling like that! What is it!?” I ask, somewhere between a whisper and a hiss, so as not to wake the sleeping brother in the next bed.
“I’m hungry. No, I’m thirsty. No, I’m…”
Right. He’s probably just tired.
At night, on a weekend
“Can we stay up as late as we want?”
“Sure, boys! Why don’t you see if you can stay up until midnight?”
“Awright! Thanks, Mom!”
Both are asleep before 8:30.
At night, on a weeknight
“Boys, time for bed.”
“Awwww. Ten more minutes?”
“No, it’ll be ten minutes by the time you’re ready for bed.”
“But we’re not tired.”
“You still need to go potty and brush. So, let’s go.”
“We don’t wanna!”
“Yeah, we’re NOT going.”
“Boys, if you don’t go willingly, there will be a consequence. You know the deal. It’s the same every night. Get up off the couch. Go in the bathroom. One of you go potty while the other brushes. Then switch.”
“We can’t.”
“Why not?”
“We’re too tired!”
Later, on a weeknight
Mommeeeeeeee! Calling from upstairs.
“What? what is it!?” Me running up quickly, thinking there’s something dire going on / not wanting the baby to wake up.
“Can you turn the light on more?”
“Mommeeeeeeee!” Repeat the drill three more times.
Insert: “I’m thirsty.” “Can you cover me up?” “What are you doing down there?”
“That’s it. You.Must.Go.To.Sleep.Now.Tomorrow.Is.A.School.Day. If I have to come up here again…”
The next morning, my son asks, “Is it a school day?”
“Yes! Time to get up, get going…”
“If it’s a school day, I’m still tired!”
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