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The umpire in action

on June 24, 2012

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But no one will see it

I set up the nativity in the backyard again this year. In the past, it has been out front near the fire hydrant that is on our property, and possibly near the turnaround, or keeping the inside of the shed festive – I don’t exactly recall. This year, I also decorated the turnaround with the large, outdoor ornaments instead of putting them on the trees out by the street – and fire hydrant – because one of my boys parks there. But, back to the nativity: I was informed, “But no one can see it out there.” I pondered momentarily… …No one can see it when they are up at 6 a.m., making the morning pot of coffee? …No one can see it when they’re putting away groceries or food prepping? …No one can see it when they are standing at the sink doing all the dishes? …No one can see it when they’re doling out the dogs’ medicine or letting them out the back door and watching for them to come straight back in after they’ve pottied? I replied, “I can see it when I am standing at the kitchen win...

Thanks, Mom, for teaching me to be "crunchy"

I wrote on social media that I would be honoring my late mother on her birthday by eating tofu and sprouts (that I had cooked and grown myself, though I didn’t share that detail), which I was subjected to as a kid when all I really wanted in my lunchbox was a Fluffernutter. For those of you who don't know, a Fluffernutter is Marshmallow Fluff and peanut butter (probably creamy Jif) on Wonder Bread. I knew about these because kids in school ate them, and also because the recipe was on the jar of Fluff, alongside the recipe for "Never-Fail Fudge," which we made as gifts for the holidays (because you could source all the ingredients with food stamps, therefore it didn't cost anything other than the sacrifice of not eating the food we could have bought). But we ate brown bread and natural peanut butter. We never had Fluff except at Christmas time when we were making our wreath-shaped fudge gifts, and there wasn't enough left over to make a Fluffernutter. (At most, ...

Disposing of the sharps

I finally got rid of the sharps that had been sitting in my garage for how long? Six years? I had them because I used to have a special-needs cat. She had diabetes and hyperthyroidism and weighed less than seven pounds. She was once feral (and had always been small), but when we moved into the house where we currently live, she chose not to go outside much. Getting rid of the sharps was one of those things on my to-do list that I wrote over and over again, intermittently. I gave up trying to figure out what to do with them during the pandemic. The vet I used retired. The police station said no. I heard you could drop them off at the Board of Health, but I never remembered to put them in my car when I was in that neighborhood, which was every six months or so (because the dentist's office is right around the corner). But who really wants to go into a board of health during a pandemic? I'm sure they had bigger things to worry about. The needles were in their boxes in ...

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The umpire in action

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